Keeping Christmas

Christmas has brought times I was ill, my children were ill, my husband was ill. One I remember so clearly when it was bitterly cold, the old wood stove in the ancient airy farm house had only green wood. Consequently we nearly froze! That year I was so thankful to go to church and get warm physically as well as spiritually! Looking back many have been laden with difficulty.

None compare to 2011! I can never recall a time in my life that I have felt so unable to literally breathe at times! A tidal wave of unknown answers to questions I was unwilling to let be verbalized. A deep sadness hard to reconcile. Total and complete dependance on the Lord. Yet a deep desire to normalize the holiday for the grandchildren.

Keeping Christmas became the operational mode of those now past days. We arrived at Nathan and Beth's house in the evening on Christmas Eve with Beth and baby in tow. All of us feeling weary from the stress of leaving Nathan in the hospital at his favorite time of the year! Comforted though that his brother was at his side.

Just last night as I was riding in the van seated behind Nathan, I was reflecting on the difficulty it was to eat on Christmas day. As we sat around his table visually things as classically normal minus his presence. The children were happy and enjoying every minute of Christmas. At the same time I recalled choking back a flood of tears and fighting to swallow each bite of food. Desperately fighting against the direction my mind fought to go---wondering if my son would survive to ever sit at his table again.

Today is that date on the calendar that regardless of where I was I would always remind him (and my other children) of just how many more months til Christmas. It is just NINE months from today, in case you were wondering :) 2011 we were keeping Christmas for the children. 2012 I am already anticipating Christmas to celebrate not only Christmas but the wonderful gift God gave us....Nathan's life!!

I began this post 3 months ago tomorrow--I simply could not finish it---too overwhelmed!!! Today I looked back at it and though the ill feelings lept back into my stomach it was such a moment of rejoicing to see where God has brought all of us and the healing He has caused in Nathan's body. We are truly blessed!!

I want to share some things I have come across in recent reading that have comforted and motivated me:

It may be concealed for a very long time, but our faith may rest in the assurance that God is still seated on His throne. Because of this assurance, we can calmly await the time when, in heavenly delight, we will say, “All things [have] work[ed] together for good” (Rom. 8:28 KJV). Don’t steal tomorrow from God’s hands. Give Him time to speak to you and reveal His will. He is never late—learn to wait. selected He never shows up late; He knows just what is best; Fret not yourself in vain; until He comes just REST. Never run impulsively ahead of the Lord. Learn to await His timing—the second, minute, and hour hand must all point to the precise moment for action.

Reimann, Jim; Cowman, Mrs. Charles E. (2008-09-02). Streams in the Desert: 366 Daily Devotional Readings (p. 125). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.