As I have worked this past week to try to pick up our life where we suddenly left it in December, my mind has been filled with many pondering moments. The unusual sunshine prompted me to take a drive 'out the road'. Doing so, I reached over to turn on some music. The first few moments of the sound of the music produced a flood of emotions. You see the CD player was still loaded with Christmas CD's. The particular one playing was of Nathan playing piano. Though it is now May I was rushed back to the day I had last listened to this in the van. Shock, grief, gratefulness, relief, anticipation are only a few of the immediate emotions that coursed through me as I drove along. A sudden realization and reminder that in a matter of moments our lives had changed. Yet, as the tears streamed I was reminded that God knew all along. In fact He knew the day Nathan had made the CD some years ago that he would suffer a severe stroke and aneurysm, that He Himself would spare Nathan's life, that a He would carry us along a road we would not have chosen. It is with this confidence I can leave Nathan in His hands and attempt to pick up life where we suddenly left off in December.
The past five and half months we have seen birthdays, holidays, Nathan and Beth's ninth anniversary, Gavin's soon graduation from kindergarten come and go. As tomorrow approaches we will celebrate our 34th anniversary. Through a fog, life has gone on. Truly not a snapshot but rather like a real to real film. So this morning my mind began to rewind the past 34 years......................
In reality they have all been good times. A personal pet peeve I have with Christians is when they describe days as being a bad day! REALLY???? If you are alive and breathing and claim to be a Christ follower how can you possibly be so bold as to tell God He has given you a 'bad' day. Are we not told, "This is the DAY the Lord hath made--REJOICE and be glad in it"???? Okay, granted there have been countless days I would have preferred to have not experienced....however, the same God I love and choose to serve, the same God who made the day-----is He not the same God to provide me with strength to 'carry on'??? Absolutely!
Allow me to reflect on just a few of those days over the past 34 years of marriage that the choice was to choose to grumble at a 'bad day' or choose to 'rejoice and be glad in it'. The first day we moved into our apartment on BBC campus in June of 1978, I walked over to turn not the faucet at the sink. A rather simple somewhat meaningless task...or so I thought. However, I was immediately greeted with a blast of water smack in the middle of the face!! Happy I was NOT! A bride of less than a week and suddenly discovered my castle well....not so much a castle! But I was determined to make the best of an otherwise uncomfortable situation. A leaky faucet, no air conditioning, a murphy bed, a tiled floor and the sudden reality that though we had been engaged for over a year we were truly yet strangers and only beginning to discover the true identity of one another-----"We've Only Just Begun". There are countless 'cooking capers' my husband could tell you. Though it might now seem hard to imagine, you see until the week before our wedding I was seldom if ever to be found in the kitchen. Until then I much preferred to be outside with tractor or lawn mower, fishing and the like. Shoot even changing my own oil in my car or what not. But, for 'just in case' I sat down with my Mom's recipe file that week before our wedding and copied down a few. Let me just make a long story short and say my attempt at Mom's recipes weren't even a close resemblance. Fortunately my husband had been a bachelor and college student----a great guinea pig!!! He survived and today I have an addiction to playing with food and make edible 'kitchen caper' :)
It is with fond memories that I reflect on the early years of our marriage, my husband being a church planter and all the struggles that entails. Yes even far too often wondering where our next meal would come from. LOOK AT US! Obviously we have not famished!! Our children have grown into respectable adults each in ministry themselves and collectively blessed us with six precious grandchildren. Though the memories are fond---I don't desire to return there. Truly I'm not stupid and am eager to learn things the FIRST time around!
There were good times, lean times, difficult times and oh my need I say crying times! Yet every last second of it was good. I truly believe the cliche, 'it's all good'. Thirty-seven years ago I chose to serve God no matter what, I'm not likely to change now. This has been one of those 'difficult' years but in the midst of the storm I have never felt more loved, more peace, more assurance. Because I know the outcome, NO, but because I know the One who hold tomorrow. So I challenge you to not consider moments in life to be a snapshot, rather a legacy. What legacy are you leaving. My prayer is that I can leave a legacy for my children and grand-children to never retreat but serve God with passion, to love their spouse unconditionally and remain faithful.
A song that says so much:
Lyrics By Josh Wilson
Life Is Not A Snapshot
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now
Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see
Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
'Cuz the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
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