Snapshot! Or not?

    As I have worked this past week to try to pick up our life where we suddenly left it in December, my mind has been filled with many pondering moments.  The unusual sunshine prompted me to take a drive 'out the road'.  Doing so, I reached over to turn on some music.  The first few moments of the sound of the music produced a flood of emotions.  You see the CD player was still loaded with Christmas CD's.  The particular one playing was of Nathan playing piano.  Though it is now May I was rushed back to the day I had last listened to this in the van.  Shock, grief, gratefulness, relief, anticipation are only a few of the immediate emotions that coursed through me as I drove along.  A sudden realization and reminder that in a matter of moments our lives had changed.  Yet, as the tears streamed I was reminded that God knew all along.  In fact He knew the day Nathan had made the CD some years ago that he would suffer a severe stroke and aneurysm, that He Himself would spare Nathan's life, that a He would carry us along a road we would not have chosen.  It is with this confidence I can leave Nathan in His hands and attempt to pick up life where we suddenly left off in December.
     The past five and half months we have seen birthdays, holidays, Nathan and Beth's ninth anniversary, Gavin's soon graduation from kindergarten come and go. As tomorrow approaches we will celebrate our 34th anniversary.  Through a fog, life has gone on.  Truly not a snapshot but rather like a real to real film.  So this morning my mind began to rewind the past 34 years......................
      In reality they have all been good times.  A personal pet peeve I have with Christians is when they describe days as being a bad day!  REALLY????  If you are alive and breathing and claim to be a Christ follower how can you possibly be so bold as to tell God He has given you a 'bad' day.  Are we not told, "This is the DAY the Lord hath made--REJOICE and be glad in it"????  Okay, granted there have been countless days I would have preferred to have not experienced....however, the same God I love and choose to serve, the same God who made the day-----is He not the same God to provide me with strength to 'carry on'???  Absolutely!
      Allow me to reflect on just a few of those days over the past 34 years of marriage that the choice was to choose to grumble at a 'bad day' or choose to 'rejoice and be glad in it'.  The first day we moved into our apartment on BBC campus in June of 1978, I walked over to turn not the faucet at the sink.  A rather simple somewhat meaningless task...or so I thought.  However, I was immediately greeted with a blast of water smack in the middle of the face!!  Happy I was NOT!  A bride of less than a week and suddenly discovered my castle well....not so much a castle!  But I was determined to make the best of an otherwise uncomfortable situation.  A leaky faucet, no air conditioning, a murphy bed, a tiled floor and the sudden reality that though we had been engaged for over a year we were truly yet strangers and only beginning to discover the true identity of one another-----"We've Only Just Begun".  There are countless 'cooking capers' my husband could tell you.  Though it might now seem hard to imagine, you see until the week before our wedding I was seldom if ever to be found in the kitchen.  Until then I much preferred to be outside with tractor or lawn mower, fishing and the like.  Shoot even changing my own oil in my car or what not.  But, for 'just in case' I sat down with my Mom's recipe file that week before our wedding and copied down a few.  Let me just make a long story short and say my attempt at Mom's recipes weren't even a close resemblance.  Fortunately my husband had been a bachelor and college student----a great guinea pig!!!  He survived and today I have an addiction to playing with food and make edible 'kitchen caper' :)
      It is with fond memories that I reflect on the early years of our marriage, my husband being a church planter and all the struggles that entails.  Yes even far too often wondering where our next meal would come from.  LOOK AT US!  Obviously we have not famished!!  Our children have grown into respectable adults each in ministry themselves and collectively blessed us with six precious grandchildren.  Though the memories are fond---I don't desire to return there.  Truly I'm not stupid and am eager to learn things the FIRST time around!
    There were good times, lean times, difficult times and oh my need I say crying times!  Yet every last second of it was good.  I truly believe the cliche, 'it's all good'.  Thirty-seven years ago I chose to serve God no matter what, I'm not likely to change now.  This has been one of those 'difficult' years but in the midst of the storm I have never felt more loved, more peace, more assurance.  Because I know the outcome, NO, but because I know the One who hold tomorrow.  So I challenge you to not consider moments in life to be a snapshot, rather a legacy.  What legacy are you leaving.  My prayer is that I can leave a legacy for my children and grand-children to never retreat but serve God with passion, to love their spouse unconditionally and remain faithful.
       A song that says so much:

Lyrics By Josh Wilson

Life Is Not A Snapshot
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
'Cuz the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Who Am I?

   As today approached, Mother's Day, my mind flooded as though a tsunami had surged, leaving piles and memories tangled about.  It has always been a special day; as a child I would anxiously look forward to doing something for or with my mother.  Through the years there were countless church Mother/Daughter banquets.  As the years have tumbled along and I myself became a mother it brought a new sense of special feelings and responsibility.  Yet for the past 31 years my focus was still on my own dear mother, she is truly priceless.  She sat before me the example of servitude and hospitality.  Most importantly though, to faithfully follow Christ, in good times and in difficult ones, regardless to stand strong, stand firm, stay faithful to the Cross.  Through the years she faithfully has prayed for me everyday of my life and for my children as well.
   Today was different, yes I still treasure my Momma and spoke with her several times this week, but different in that it was broadened.  Today could have been so different had God taken Nathan  home back in December.  Though I feel completely unworthy I am grateful beyond expression that He chose to allow me the most blessed meaningful Mother's Day I have ever experienced.  He chose that I could have
all three of my children and my mother, though not all physically together the strong bonds of child mother were throughly enjoyed.
   While considering the graciousness of God and all He has given me this Mother's Day a song come to mind that i'd like to share.

WHO AM I?

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

i am Yours

I am Yours

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

'Cause I am Yours

I am Yours

Casting Crowns