IDENTITY

I have been thinking a lot lately about my identity. Circumstances have obviously changed anything I had thought it to be previously. Granted I am a wife, mother, teacher, caregiver, missionary, pastor's wife, grandmother, Christian, etc. etc. But really, what is my identity???

The newest album released by Kutless called Believer has a song simply titled Identity. The album is one of my current favorites and has ministered to me in so wonderfully during the long hard hours of the past 3.5 months.

I may never know all of God's purpose in the path He has allowed us to travel and truly that isn't really even important. Rather, will I Praise Him, will I Glorify Him, will I trust Him will I wholly and truly allow HIM to be my identity. " I'm so tired of trying to prove it, I'm never gonna do it on my own. God I need You to be my identity." I don't want to be seen or know for what I do or what I am or what I am not. My heart's cry is that my identity will be truly in Christ!!

IDENTITY

I’ve been looking from the outside, outside
I’ve been walking on a straight line, straight line
Scared to let the world see my failures, who I am, or who I’ve been

I’ve been waiting for somebody else to
Take the chance that I am so afraid to
I don’t know how to find myself am I the only one the only one

Oh I wanna feel You move me like a river running through me
I am so tired of trying to prove it I’m never gonna do it alone
God I need You to be my identity

It’s always easier to hide behind that
Camouflage that keeps our hearts so guarded
But there’s no shame when we surrender everything to You
Everything to You

Oh I wanna feel You move me like a river running through me
I am so tired of trying to prove it I’m never gonna do it alone

I want to see the world change, see the system cave in
You pull our hearts from the ashes
The cry of the captive is rising

Cause I wanna feel You move me like a river running through me
I am, so tired of trying to prove it I’m never gonna do it alone

Oh Oh I wanna feel You move me like a river running through me
I am I am So tired of trying to prove it I’m never gonna do it alone
God I need you to be, I need you to be, yeah
God I need you to be, my identity,

My Identity.

Matthew 2:13 stay there until I tell you

The past week has been so nice and the past couple of days so very warm. The whole week is supposed to be like this! Beth has been working in the yard and the kids have loved being outside. I made a trip to the Dollar Store earlier today to grab some outside playthings for them. It has been a great day. Nathan even sat on the deck and soaked up some sun this afternoon.

Yet the past few days I have realized how long I have been here. I believe the need for the wool sweaters is past for now and a need for lighter clothes is evident.

I’ll stay where You’ve put me; I will, dear Lord,

Though I wanted so badly to go;

I was eager to march with the “rank and file,”

Yes, I wanted to lead them, You know.

I planned to keep step to the music loud,

To cheer when the banner unfurled,

To stand in the midst of the fight straight and proud,

But I’ll stay where You’ve put me.

I’ll stay where You’ve put me; I’ll work, dear Lord,

Though the field be narrow and small,

And the ground be neglected, and stones lie thick,

And there seems to be no life at all.

The field is Your own, only give me the seed,

I’ll sow it with never a fear;

I’ll till the dry soil while I wait for the rain,

And rejoice when the green blades appear;

I’ll work where You’ve put me.

I’ll stay where You’ve put me; I will, dear Lord;

I’ll bear the day’s burden and heat,

Always trusting You fully; when sunset has come

I’ll lay stalks of grain at Your feet.

And then, when my earth work is ended and done,

In the light of eternity’s glow,

Life’s record all closed,

I surely will find It was better to stay than to go;

I’ll stay where You’ve put me.

O restless heart—beating against the prison bars of your circumstances and longing for a wider realm of usefulness—allow God to direct all your days. Patience and trust, even in the midst of the monotony of your daily routine, will be the best preparation to courageously handle the stress and strain of a greater opportunity, which God may someday send.

Reimann, Jim; Cowman, Mrs. Charles E. (2008-09-02). Streams in the Desert: 366 Daily Devotional Readings (pp. 118-119). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Reimann, Jim; Cowman, Mrs. Charles E. (2008-09-02). Streams in the Desert: 366 Daily Devotional Readings (p. 118). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Broken Hallelujah

This morning I heard this song and it summed up so well the many times of desperation that I have felt over the past eight weeks. I could not have written it any better!

BROKEN HALLELUJAH

With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart’s in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You’re with me somehow
And You’ve always been faithful
So Lord even now
Chorus:
When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
So Lord hear my heart
In this painful place

Chorus

Hallelujah
I lift my voice
Your Spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You

Be Still and Know

When mountains fall and waters rise,
come hide yourself in me.
The One whose voice commands the worlds
still knows your every need.
Come now and wait on me;
draw near and rest in me.

(Chorus)
Be still and know tht I am God.
Be still and know that I am God


When darkness falls and sorrows rise,
remember who I am.
The One who dwells in eternity,
still comforts His own child.
Come now and look to me;
draw near and hope in me.

(Chorus)

When darkness falls and sorrows rise,
remember who I am

-Steve and Vikki Cook

Same Date - New Perspective

Sitting here this morning in Nathan's room, sipping coffee and just having some quiet time with the Lord while he still snoozes. As my eyes fall on the large display of the date for the day my heart fills with emotion. Since my kids were each old enough to grasp what I was saying through November 2011 I have contacted them on the 25th of each month to 'remind' them how many more months til Christmas. Flaky I know---but I grew up with my Dad always sharing this important information with us on a daily basis :) So I suppose the 'tradition' continues.
However, as I sit here this morning and watch my son peacefully sleep that strange lump comes in my throat when I hesitantly remember that on this date last month it was with great anxiety that I watched him, not knowing if he would survive or not. I think as each month the 25th arrives I will be forever changed and challenged to fall before my Almighty Savior and thank Him for what He has done in Nathan's life and not incidentally each member of our family.
Last night as we sat and watched Nathan enjoy the Impact Team from Word of Life sing---well it would be difficult to express the joy in our hearts as we watched him feel the music and observe the satisfaction on his face. Unworthy, I suppose is what I have most often felt in recent weeks. Unworthy of the miracles that God has allowed me to watch, unworthy of His love for me. In fact reminded that I am unworthy of anything except that by the Grace of God I am richly blessed.
A couple of hours after I began this post Nathan had awakened and as I was helping him prepare for the day I was talking to him. I asked him if he knew the date today. He began to smile, I nodded and said: "Yep, just eleven months from today is Christmas!" Further I shared with him that I really wasn't sure a month ago that he would survive and how thankful I am that he did. He smiled largely and said; "God!" and gave a big thumbs up!
My kids can all be assured that they will continue to hear from me on the 25th of each month, but it will be with a new perspective!

Merry Christmas------in eleven months!

They Are Everywhere!

I have several posts that I have scribbled on bits of paper over the past week or two, but I just have to post this first.

They are everywhere, people hurting, people in need. I have to be very honest with you, I really don't 'want' to reach out to others, my own hurt is so fresh, so deep, so open. But, it is ever a reminder that our 'ministry' isn't just inside the walls of a church building or assembly of people. It IS about sharing the Gospel, sharing the testimony of Christ in our lives. Hurting people and people in need are everywhere around us, we just need to open our eyes and see their need.

Tonight I went downstairs to do Nathan's laundry and a bit of ours. As I walked in a man and his daughter were there loading in clothes into the washer. He explained they had been there for three weeks because their house burned. The conversation continued and eventually led to why I was there. I had noticed when I first saw him that he was dressed in scrubs. Well he works at a hospital in the area and his wife............she is one of the chief executives of the rehab facility where Nathan is being treated. He was pretty sure she was involved in Nathan's care. As we talked, he began to cry and said he couldn't hear anymore of the story, he has worked for 35 years in the field and it is just too heart breaking. Expressed to his daughter that theirs was just an inconvenience of a burned house, but our family had been wounded beyond repair.

Then when I told him of Nathan's recovery on a daily basis, he was overwhelmed, said it just couldn't be, that it just doesn't happen. THEN, I was able to share that we have a gracious loving God who is able to do more than we ask or think. One door led to another, he made no commitment but I am praying for him. He recognized that God is at work in our son's life.

Tonight this is just the latest of a series of God appointments that we have encountered along the way these past three weeks. Truthfully, we should be having these encounters all the time and to not have them to be the oddity. Reminds me of Nathan's song Make Me!

THE THORN

I stood a mendicant (beggar) of God
before His royal throne
And begged Him for a priceless gift, which I could call my own.
I took the gift from out His hand,
but as I would depart,
I cried "but Lord, this is a thorn
and it has pierced my heart.
This is a strange, a hurtful gift
that Thou hast given me."
He said, "My child, I give good gifts
and give my best to thee."
I took it home and though at first,
the cruel thorn hurt sore;
As long years passed I learned at last
to love it more and more.
I learned He never gives a thorn
without this added grace.
He takes the thorn to pin aside.....
the veil which hides His face.
Martha Snell Nicholson